Dear Mikayla

Here is the question we received:

"I get really bad stage fright and it's so stressful and makes me feel depressed. :( What should I do?"


Hey Mikayla! Stage fright is very common among performers, even professionals. As actresses ourselves, we understand exactly what you are going through. Even when we are really excited to perform a part, both of us get extremely nervous. Over the years we have learned to deal with stage fright. Here are a few things you can do:


- Completely immerse yourself in your role. So completely that you don't even remember that you are performing for an audience
-Imagine you are performing for someone you are very comfortable with, like your best friend.
-Remember that if you mess up, most likely no one will remember and also THE AUDIENCE HAS NOT READ THE SCRIPT!! That means they really will not know if you messed up a line :)


If you are performing, we really do hope you have a great experience. If you ever get stage fright, always remember that you should really be performing for yourself, and that the audience came to see you perform. 


Stage fright may never go away completely, but over time, you will be able to cope with it much better. And don't let it make you depressed! Your performance will be great as long as you're having the time of your life :)


xoxo,
Shane and Honour

Dear Dominique

Here is the question we received:


Ive been having a tough time and came home crying yestuurday. So I havnt been able to hang out with my cousins that much and they moved here 2 years ago, so I bearly know them, and we're not that close. At one point we didn't even talk( me and the 3 sisters), but we've been friendly since late last year. Now I've been trying to be closer to them even, and we had dinner at another of our uncles house. Now the whole time I've been completely friendly ( I am naturally, but I'm quiet around them). And Im thinking that their being friendly too. Then later, they start talking about me when I'm only a few feet away saying I'm stupid and jealous of them. I tried not to listen and just ignore it. But it really did hurt because I was trying so hard to be friends with them lately, and this is what happens. And I did catch the middle sis talking about me right after I left the room early this year, but I just brushed it off. The eldest sister wasn't at the dinner,
and I've never seen her do this, she is the nicest one out of them and very friendly, and I'm the closest to her, but I'm not sure if I can trust her either. It's just upsetting. I have no reason to be jelous of them and I know I'm an intelligent girl. Just cause they've been able to make so many friends here, and I only have a few doesn't mean that they're better than me in any way. I'd actually rather have a few great friends than tons that aren't even good influences. I know this is really long, but I dont know how to be around them now. Should I still try to be friends with the eldest sis? I see them quite often and there is even a big holiday next week for us when I usually hang out with them. Idk what to do and I really feel upset that they couldn't be the nice friends/cousins I thought they would be. Any advice, tips?


Dear Dominique,
   Not talking to some people in your family is sad, but it happens to many, many families! Especially with kids! So that is completely normal. But what isn't okay is talking about you when you can hear them. One of the best solutions is to talk about it! That always seems to work everything out! Talk to your parents, older family members, AND cousins! Ask them, why they were saying that and that you heard them! Say to them, "I want to be friends and it doesn't seem like this is working out, and I was wondering what I did that was wrong!" They will either 'fess up or lie, so go with your instinct. If you do feel like they were lying, be friendly, but don't go out of your way to do anything for them! If they do confess, try to ask what you did, but also don't let them accuse you of things you didn't do. Listen to both sides of the story and try to understand both. 
Good luck! And thanks for writing to us! 
xoxo Shane & Honour

Dear Idoia

Here is the question we received:

"Hi girls! First of all, I'm sorry if I make mistakes in my writting, English is not my first language.
Well, I'm a sixteen-year-old teenager and I do have several problems... But I'm gonna focus just in one which worries me now specially that school is going to start. I'm extremetly shy. That makes my social relationships really difficult, so the friends I have are not really close to me.. also, I'm tired of my grup of friends and my classmates. I'm sick of the same people every single day, but otherwise, It's been such a long time since I don't make any new friends, coz as I've mentioned, I am super shy. And I cannot help it. Plus, I do not like myself in any way. The girls in my school are really pretty and I feel I am always behind them. They are always the spotlight and I don't have any quality so I can like the others. I feel that my life really sucks and I have lost all the motivation in doing the things that I liked before.
I hope you understand me a little bit. Kisses and love!"

Dear Idoia,

     First we need to address that you stated "I do not like myself in any way." Please please please don't think this!! Don't compare yourself to other girls, it kills your confidence! Think about the qualities you do not like about yourself, and think of what you can do to change them. If you can't, learn to love them! Everyone is beautiful, but what really makes you beautiful is your personality and positivity. To overcome your shyness, you may need to work harder at being sociable, but that's OK! Everyone has things they need to work harder at. 

     Music can also inspire you. Here are some of our favorite "pep talk" songs:

- "Who Says" by Selena Gomez

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzE1mX4Px0I

-"Born This Way" by Lady Gaga

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BsLd4Y060Q

- "Change" by Taylor Swift

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1jYllE0T-k

-"The Climb" by Miley Cyrus

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NG2zyeVRcbs

-"F**kin' Perfect" by P!nk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BIye98Ryic

-"Firework" by Katy Perry

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGJuMBdaqIw&ob=av2e

-"Skyscraper" by Demi Lovato

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_8ydghbGSg&ob=av2e

Also, if the people at your high school aren't your crowd, don't worry! College and future jobs will introduce you to a lot more people who you share interests with!

Good luck! And don't assume people don't like you, it's a common mistake with a lot of people! Don't be afraid to start a conversation with people either! They won't judge you for doing that! And if they do, THEY are the weird ones! :)

xoxo,

Shane and Honour

Dear Olivia

Here is our question from Olivia:
"Hey. I saw your post on elleandblair.com and i figured i'd give you a try. i think im a compulsive liar. seriously i lie all the time and i have know idea how to stop it. today my friends caught me in a lie. i broke down and fessed up right away and they said they forgave me and they understood but i still feel awful. they told me that they were here for me if i needed them and stuff which meant a lot but i feel like they'll never trust me and we'll never be close again. i really don't want to continue lying because its ruining the relationships i have with my friends and family. i hate the fact that i know i can trust them to always be truthful with me and they can't trust me the same way. im really not sure what to do at this point because lying has just become a part of me and it feels so much easier then the truth. i think i lie because sometimes im afraid of the truth. i really just want to stop lying and somehow get my friends to trust me again. what do you think i should do? 

thanks!

~Olivia"

Hey Olivia!

     First of all, here's an easy thing to remember: lying is like a bad habit, you just need to break it!

     The next time you are about to tell a lie, ask yourself:

-Why am I lying?Is it necessary or just hurting my friends/family?

-What is it that I am afraid to tell?

-Should the person I am talking to even being asking me this? If it is not the other person's business, then you should say, "My friend told me this information in confidence, I would need to ask her before telling you or another person." 

     There are two "types" of lies:

-Little White Lies: Lies that are meant to result in good, usually about surprise parties, gifts. They are supposed to not hurt the person you are telling them to EVER! 

-The lies that bite you in the back: Ones that you cover up a mistake you made, hurt your friends, etc. 

     To gain your friends trust, you should tell them that you are really going to make an effort to stop lying. They sound like good friends who will help you through the process! Also, I would suggest apologizing for lies you have told in the past. 

     Finally, these are guidelines. To get to the personal root of why you lie, go to a trusted counselor, parent, relative, or someone you look up to. It may be hard to admit, but it will really only help you in the end. Remember, you have to own up to what you have said, and be able to realize what you have done, who you have affected, but most importantly, that you have the ability and power to stop your bad habit!

Good luck!

Xoxo,

Shane and Honour

Dear Molly

Here is the question we received from Molly:
"Hello, 
I saw your email on ElleandBlair.com and you said to email you if  needed any advice? So i've got this problem i was wondering if you could give me any advice on it :/
 
so next year(school year) We're all changing timetables for our GCSE's and i've found that I dont know anyone whos in my classes :/ Me and my best friend have been in all of our classes together since we've started school but now shes in different classes to me :/ But its okay for her cause we made new friends last year but they're with her so i dont have anybody :/ Im quite shy so i'm worried about making friends in my new classes, what if people dont wanna talk to me so im alone in all my classes :O
 
Any Advice?
 
Thanks so much (:
Molly xxx"

Dear Molly,

     A new school year brings a lot of worries, doesn't it? Meeting new people can be challenging, because you kinda have to "put yourself out there" to develop friendships and meet new people. Here are some things to keep in mind:

- Even though you have a best friend, it is so important to be open to the ideas of new friendships! Without an open mind, how can you expect anyone else to be willing to become friends?

-Don't be afraid of people not liking you. Try to see what is the best in everyone. No one will be perfect, everyone will have a few qualities that are not your favorite. What is important is making sure the ones you value are there also.

-Introducing yourself to people can be hard! (and sometimes a little awkward.. do u give a handshake when u are a teenager??? haha) Best way to introduce yourself: say something about yourself first, then your name. For instance, if a girl is signing up for band, tell her "I am too!" If you start a conversation like this, things can flow easily, as well as exchanging names! 

     Lastly, don't forget your old friends. They will always be there for you. But, don't let them hold you back. You have the power to make many more friends! We wish you the best!!

Xoxo,

Shane and Honour

Dear Regan

Hi! Okay, so hopefully this website will help me. All the others sucked! Hahaha this is going to be long so hang in there, okay? So I need boy advice. My name is Regan (like the president, the girl from The Exorcist, a ray gun, you pick :D), I'm 14 years old, and I'm hopelessly in love with a guy. His name is John, and he's older than me by exactly a year, a month and nine days (he's 15 now). So I've seen John* (*names have been changed) around for a couple of years, but I only really got to know him earlier this summer when we were in a theatre camp together. I don't know how it all started... probably when we were both set to work watching some of the younger kids and we ended up jamming to dubstep. But that led to him telling me a pervy joke, and he thought my reaction was hilarious so he decided I was cool. So a couple of days (and many many funny jokes) later, we discovered we had a ton in common so we exchanged numbers and he was all "YAY, new friend!!!" Hahaha it was kind of adorable. But that led to us joking around even more. It was super fun... so anyway a couple of days after we exchanged numbers I texted him because I realized when he put me in his phone he took a picture of me. See, I'm not a photogenic person. This is how the conversation played out: me: John. It's late. But I realized when you put me in your phone you took a picture. Can you send it to me so I know whether or not to send you a better one? John: Oh, don't worry about it. It's a good picture. me: But I need to see it so that I know whether or not it's sexy enough. See, I'm not a photogenic person. John: Aw, yea you arrrrrrrrrrrrr. End of conversation. That made me become extremely flirty, and he flirted back alot. Every possible waking moment we were at least in the same room. He would randomly hug me alot, too. Like, I'd be standing there having a conversation with a friend and I'd suddenly have a 5'8 boy hanging off my waist. We flirted all the time, and I think he tried to get my attention because sometimes he'd make references to his... certain male appendage, but only if he thought I was listening. One time I was standing right in front of him and a kid came up and pantsed him. There were, like, seven other people in the room and immediately they all went out and told everyone who wasn't in the room about it and suddenly everyone was making fun of him. I didn't make fun of him, though. I actually defended him and told them not to be mean and I think that brought he and I closer together. See, people make fun of John all the time. They call him ugly (which he most definitely is NOT, lemme tell ya), say he has no life just because he plays Minecraft, and call him gay (which I know for a fact he is not) just because he dances and is good at it. I don't, and I think he appreciates it alot. So anyway, this flirting thing went on alot and towards the end of the camp we were doing a special performance of the play at the Library. John lost his phone and couldn't find it anywhere, so I called it and eventually found it for him. Now normally a person would just say thanks or maybe if we were close friends hug me, but John kissed me on the cheek. 

That is not a normal thank you, let me tell ya. I fell even harder for him, and we hung out for the rest of the performance. Then we went out into the lobby and looked at the movie posters because sometimes the library shows free movies. Well this movie happens to be Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, which also happens to be my favorite movie. So I said I was going to go, and John said he'd go too. Well, the camp ended. We texted some after that, but then it was less and less. About two weeks ago I texted him asking if he was still going to the movie and he said no. But our latest interaction was him saving me from a girl who wouldn't leave me alone for anything. I talked to a couple of friends about it, and they all didn't know if he liked me back or not. One thought he definitely liked me back, though, because of the kiss. I, myself, don't know. John is wierd about people. He doesn't really like new people, and he doesn't like being liked/cared about. He hates alot of people too, but he told me he doesn't hate me. He's kinda desperate and hasn't had a date since seventh grade, though. So I need advice. Do you think he likes me back? Or does he just want to stay friends? Is it worth starting a relationship with him? Do you think he hasn't texted me because he might possibly think I like him too much or something? He doesn't know I love him, and I don't have the guts to tell him. I'm kind of afraid of rejection and things turning awkward. Please help soon! We go to the same church and we'll be going to the same school this year, and pretty soon a friend and I are going to surprise him at a play he's doing. So Please help soon! Thanks, and sorry this was kind of long and rambly...


Hey Regan! OK so there are a couple of things we need to address here. 
Boys, boys, boys. Do they even know what they want? At that age: no! Boys rarely know what they want unless it is put in front of them. Which is why he maybe seemed so into you when he saw you everyday, but when there was no excuse to hang out, he probably was not ready to put in the effort or get attached because he wouldn't be seeing you much anymore. He probably does "like" you, but that means different things to boys than girls, especially at that age. You may want him as a boyfriend, but to him "liking" someone could just be flirting and kisses on the cheek. You might even have him as a boyfriend eventually. The next step from here, though, is developing a stronger friendship (that means less flirting, and maybe taking an interest in Minecraft! LOL) 
However, for future reference, liking someone too much CAN be a turn off, for boys and girls. Also, thinking about a guy too much can make him, in your mind, someone who is better than he is. 
Remember: Whoever it is at the moment, he is just a guy! They make mistakes, they are not perfect, and are confusing. All boys at this age are (trust me, I would know) 
Planning a surprise for him is nice, but make sure you present the event as a FRIEND not a girlfriend! 
Thanks for sending in your question! We hope we helped. 


Follow your instincts, but don't forget you have a brain :)


Xoxo,
Shane and Honour

Dear Alexi

To Shane and Honour:

"Here is my question:

I love makeup and lip gloss and shopping! My parents don't seem to understand! I'm to young to go shop by myself and don't have anyone else to take me. How can I get my parents to understand what I like? I've already told them, but it just doesn't sink in! Also do you have any ways a young girl could earn money, because then maybe my parents would accept it more! "

Hey Alexi!

  One reason why your parents might not want you to wear makeup, is because makeup is a sign of independence and growing up. It can be fun however. Whether to wear makeup or not depends on your age. From 11-12 is a good time to start getting into it. You could wear lipgloss, and mascara on special occasions. It's a good way for you and your parents to learn how a teenager should use it.

   As for buying makeup, you can go with a friend and their parents either to the mall, or a drugstore. You could also try DIY's (Do it yourself projects) at home. A couple ways to earn money is to be a mother's helper. In this job, you can go to a house and take care of a little kid while the mother is there, but does other stuff she needs to take care of, without the kid bothering her. I, Honour, did this with a family friend and it was a great and fun way to earn money. If you need any help, the mother is there for you as a backup. Once you get better at this and get a little older, you can start babysitting. Another way to earn money is to do chores around the house and get the mail and take care of plants of a neighbor who is out of town. You could also convince your parents with reasons why you should be wearing makeup, such as 'It boosts your confidence.'

Hope this helps!

xo,

Honour and Shane

Thinking of You- How It Works

    Thank you for visiting our blog! First, a little bit about ourselves:
Hi! We are both 14 and like to do theater, sing, and play guitar and piano. We love makeup, beauty, and fashion. 
   The basic idea for our blog is that by answering questions our readers ask, we give more specific advice and can reach a  lot of people with a similar problem. 
   Want to send a question in???
   Email thinkingofyou18@yahoo.com with your question, and we will post it on our blog and answer for others to see! We will only include your first name, and also change any other names in your post to keep personal information private. 
   Thanks again for visiting, show your friends, and feel free to email us any questions!
Xoxo
Shane and Honour