Dear Serena

This was the question we received, names have been slightly modified:


I heard about this from a friend and decided to email you guys about my problem,

             I'm a girl going into 7th grade now. I am of hispanic descent but the only way you can tell is because I have curly brown hair a tad bit darker skin then everyone else and I have a wider (but not by much) nose. I wear glasses. I wear pretty much what everyone else wears in middle school (skinny jeans, t-shirt, aero jacket) and I make friends really easily. Just not with "popular" people.

            There is this Summer girl who hates me I swear. We are in the same "clique" and supposedly close friends.She never invites me to her house, talks about me behind my back, always asks for me to "help" her with her homework and classwork. Then if I ever get something wrong she laughs at me. It's just this past sixth grade year that this has happened and before that we were friends. The problem is all my other friends are really close friends with her. And I mean ALL my other friends: close friends, friends, acquaintances. Of course, when I'm around her with other people she's perfectly nice to me. Well, actually, that's a lie. We all share food at lunch and she always hesitates when she gets to me and says, "...here..." I used to cry in the shower at home during the school year. One time I had finished lunch and she and another girl Jazzy would run away from me and hide in the bathroom. I used to spend my whole lunch looking for them. A nicer girl, Kendall, told me where they were hiding and Summer climbed over the stall to try to get away from me. I don't know what to do about it. We ate lunch together ever day and will probably do the same next year. The people who aren't really friends with her are people who I don't want to spend time with (rude, perverted). I have seriously no idea what to do! 

Here is our answer:

     First of all, hello Serena! Thank you for coming onto this blog and asking us for help; I hope that you find our advice useful, thank your friend for directing you to us, and tell some other people about us!

     Its good that you have a group of friends to hang out with, but its always true, that in a group, you don't get along with everyone in it. Here are the steps we suggest you take:

1) Confront Summer about this situation. Talking about a problem is always the mature, right thing to do because it shows your not talking behind her back, which would make it a bigger problem. Sometimes, it can end the problem very quickly incase there was a misunderstanding between you two.

2) If she also is aware of the problem and wants to solve it, thats great and you should try to be open to talking about it. However, if she blows off what you are saying and/or continues to exclude you, she isn't worth it, or you are just not meant to be friends. If she is acting this way towards you, and continues to after you talk about it, we think that you should move on to nicer girls, like Kendall. 

3) The important thing to remember is that a true friend will make you feel comfortable, and in turn, they will feel comfortable around you.

To wrap this up, don't force friendship. If she continues to purposely exclude you, and you don't like her friends that she chose to spend time with, then the best decision is just to walk away and create your own group of friends. You don't want to waste your time with her. We wish you the best of luck (:

Love,

Shane and Honour xx

Dear Camryn

Here is the email we receive from Camryn:

Hi there,

I saw your blog on Instagram and thought I'd write to you about an issue I have. My mom is an alcoholic. Not completely but like starting at 12 p.m. in the afternoon she starts drinking wine and doesn't stop until she goes to bed. She is such an amazing person up until the point where she gets kind of drunk and out of it. She doesn't get completely drunk but she doesn't function the way she would if she weren't drinking. I feel like I can't talk to her and stuff when she drinks so much alcohol- I feel like it's hurting our relationship. Also, my grandma is an alcoholic so that contributes to this problem. She doesn't know that I am aware of her drinking problem and I don't know how to confront her about it. I never have before. I get really angry with her when she has been drinking because she's not the same. She constantly re-fills her wine glass the entire afternoon. She works full time so obviously this only happens on weekends or when she's home all day. Wherever she is, she always has to find a way to get alcohol. I don't know what to do about this and it really depresses me. My friends parents aren't like this. What do I do? Oh by the way I'm only 13 and my mom is a single parent. 

Thanks,

Camryn

Dear Camryn,

     We are so sorry it took so long for us to answer your question! First of all, we are truly happy that you emailed us. We know it can be really hard to talk to people about issues like this, but we are very proud of you for taking this first step! Sometimes speaking about what's going on is the first step to solving the problem and healing from it.

    In order to give you the best advice we could, we asked people who worked in departments that dealt with alcoholism. Overall, the consensus was that the safest thing to do was talk to a school counselor about what is going on. School counselors are hired to talk to children about real problems in their lives, and, while it may be hard to do, you don't need to be afraid to talk to them about this. Remember, they are there to help you.

     Secondly, it is understandable that you get frustrated with your mom. Know, however, that your mom is NOT doing this to annoy you or make you depressed. When you are about to get angry with her, take a step back and try not to talk accusingly towards her, because no one likes to hear that, even when they have been doing something wrong. With support and love from her family, it is very possible that your mother can recover from alcoholism and that you can build a stronger relationship.

     Again, thank you so much for emailing us, and always remember, your mother loves you no matter what.

xoxo,

Shane and Honour