Here is the question we received:
Ive been having a tough time and came home crying yestuurday. So I havnt been able to hang out with my cousins that much and they moved here 2 years ago, so I bearly know them, and we're not that close. At one point we didn't even talk( me and the 3 sisters), but we've been friendly since late last year. Now I've been trying to be closer to them even, and we had dinner at another of our uncles house. Now the whole time I've been completely friendly ( I am naturally, but I'm quiet around them). And Im thinking that their being friendly too. Then later, they start talking about me when I'm only a few feet away saying I'm stupid and jealous of them. I tried not to listen and just ignore it. But it really did hurt because I was trying so hard to be friends with them lately, and this is what happens. And I did catch the middle sis talking about me right after I left the room early this year, but I just brushed it off. The eldest sister wasn't at the dinner,
and I've never seen her do this, she is the nicest one out of them and very friendly, and I'm the closest to her, but I'm not sure if I can trust her either. It's just upsetting. I have no reason to be jelous of them and I know I'm an intelligent girl. Just cause they've been able to make so many friends here, and I only have a few doesn't mean that they're better than me in any way. I'd actually rather have a few great friends than tons that aren't even good influences. I know this is really long, but I dont know how to be around them now. Should I still try to be friends with the eldest sis? I see them quite often and there is even a big holiday next week for us when I usually hang out with them. Idk what to do and I really feel upset that they couldn't be the nice friends/cousins I thought they would be. Any advice, tips?
Dear Dominique,
Not talking to some people in your family is sad, but it happens to many, many families! Especially with kids! So that is completely normal. But what isn't okay is talking about you when you can hear them. One of the best solutions is to talk about it! That always seems to work everything out! Talk to your parents, older family members, AND cousins! Ask them, why they were saying that and that you heard them! Say to them, "I want to be friends and it doesn't seem like this is working out, and I was wondering what I did that was wrong!" They will either 'fess up or lie, so go with your instinct. If you do feel like they were lying, be friendly, but don't go out of your way to do anything for them! If they do confess, try to ask what you did, but also don't let them accuse you of things you didn't do. Listen to both sides of the story and try to understand both.
Good luck! And thanks for writing to us!
xoxo Shane & Honour
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Dear Idoia
Here is the question we received:
"Hi girls! First of all, I'm sorry if I make mistakes in my writting, English is not my first language.
Well, I'm a sixteen-year-old teenager and I do have several problems... But I'm gonna focus just in one which worries me now specially that school is going to start. I'm extremetly shy. That makes my social relationships really difficult, so the friends I have are not really close to me.. also, I'm tired of my grup of friends and my classmates. I'm sick of the same people every single day, but otherwise, It's been such a long time since I don't make any new friends, coz as I've mentioned, I am super shy. And I cannot help it. Plus, I do not like myself in any way. The girls in my school are really pretty and I feel I am always behind them. They are always the spotlight and I don't have any quality so I can like the others. I feel that my life really sucks and I have lost all the motivation in doing the things that I liked before.
I hope you understand me a little bit. Kisses and love!"
Well, I'm a sixteen-year-old teenager and I do have several problems... But I'm gonna focus just in one which worries me now specially that school is going to start. I'm extremetly shy. That makes my social relationships really difficult, so the friends I have are not really close to me.. also, I'm tired of my grup of friends and my classmates. I'm sick of the same people every single day, but otherwise, It's been such a long time since I don't make any new friends, coz as I've mentioned, I am super shy. And I cannot help it. Plus, I do not like myself in any way. The girls in my school are really pretty and I feel I am always behind them. They are always the spotlight and I don't have any quality so I can like the others. I feel that my life really sucks and I have lost all the motivation in doing the things that I liked before.
I hope you understand me a little bit. Kisses and love!"
Dear Idoia,
First we need to address that you stated "I do not like myself in any way." Please please please don't think this!! Don't compare yourself to other girls, it kills your confidence! Think about the qualities you do not like about yourself, and think of what you can do to change them. If you can't, learn to love them! Everyone is beautiful, but what really makes you beautiful is your personality and positivity. To overcome your shyness, you may need to work harder at being sociable, but that's OK! Everyone has things they need to work harder at.
Music can also inspire you. Here are some of our favorite "pep talk" songs:
- "Who Says" by Selena Gomez
-"Born This Way" by Lady Gaga
- "Change" by Taylor Swift
-"The Climb" by Miley Cyrus
-"F**kin' Perfect" by P!nk
-"Firework" by Katy Perry
-"Skyscraper" by Demi Lovato
Also, if the people at your high school aren't your crowd, don't worry! College and future jobs will introduce you to a lot more people who you share interests with!
Good luck! And don't assume people don't like you, it's a common mistake with a lot of people! Don't be afraid to start a conversation with people either! They won't judge you for doing that! And if they do, THEY are the weird ones! :)
xoxo,
Shane and Honour
Friday, August 12, 2011
Dear Olivia
Here is our question from Olivia:
"Hey. I saw your post on elleandblair.com and i figured i'd give you a try. i think im a compulsive liar. seriously i lie all the time and i have know idea how to stop it. today my friends caught me in a lie. i broke down and fessed up right away and they said they forgave me and they understood but i still feel awful. they told me that they were here for me if i needed them and stuff which meant a lot but i feel like they'll never trust me and we'll never be close again. i really don't want to continue lying because its ruining the relationships i have with my friends and family. i hate the fact that i know i can trust them to always be truthful with me and they can't trust me the same way. im really not sure what to do at this point because lying has just become a part of me and it feels so much easier then the truth. i think i lie because sometimes im afraid of the truth. i really just want to stop lying and somehow get my friends to trust me again. what do you think i should do?
"Hey. I saw your post on elleandblair.com and i figured i'd give you a try. i think im a compulsive liar. seriously i lie all the time and i have know idea how to stop it. today my friends caught me in a lie. i broke down and fessed up right away and they said they forgave me and they understood but i still feel awful. they told me that they were here for me if i needed them and stuff which meant a lot but i feel like they'll never trust me and we'll never be close again. i really don't want to continue lying because its ruining the relationships i have with my friends and family. i hate the fact that i know i can trust them to always be truthful with me and they can't trust me the same way. im really not sure what to do at this point because lying has just become a part of me and it feels so much easier then the truth. i think i lie because sometimes im afraid of the truth. i really just want to stop lying and somehow get my friends to trust me again. what do you think i should do?
thanks!
~Olivia"
Hey Olivia!
First of all, here's an easy thing to remember: lying is like a bad habit, you just need to break it!
The next time you are about to tell a lie, ask yourself:
-Why am I lying?Is it necessary or just hurting my friends/family?
-What is it that I am afraid to tell?
-Should the person I am talking to even being asking me this? If it is not the other person's business, then you should say, "My friend told me this information in confidence, I would need to ask her before telling you or another person."
There are two "types" of lies:
-Little White Lies: Lies that are meant to result in good, usually about surprise parties, gifts. They are supposed to not hurt the person you are telling them to EVER!
-The lies that bite you in the back: Ones that you cover up a mistake you made, hurt your friends, etc.
To gain your friends trust, you should tell them that you are really going to make an effort to stop lying. They sound like good friends who will help you through the process! Also, I would suggest apologizing for lies you have told in the past.
Finally, these are guidelines. To get to the personal root of why you lie, go to a trusted counselor, parent, relative, or someone you look up to. It may be hard to admit, but it will really only help you in the end. Remember, you have to own up to what you have said, and be able to realize what you have done, who you have affected, but most importantly, that you have the ability and power to stop your bad habit!
Good luck!
Xoxo,
Shane and Honour
Monday, August 1, 2011
Dear Molly
Here is the question we received from Molly:
"Hello,
I saw your email on ElleandBlair.com and you said to email you if needed any advice? So i've got this problem i was wondering if you could give me any advice on it :/
so next year(school year) We're all changing timetables for our GCSE's and i've found that I dont know anyone whos in my classes :/ Me and my best friend have been in all of our classes together since we've started school but now shes in different classes to me :/ But its okay for her cause we made new friends last year but they're with her so i dont have anybody :/ Im quite shy so i'm worried about making friends in my new classes, what if people dont wanna talk to me so im alone in all my classes :O
Any Advice?
Thanks so much (:
Molly xxx"
"Hello,
I saw your email on ElleandBlair.com and you said to email you if needed any advice? So i've got this problem i was wondering if you could give me any advice on it :/
so next year(school year) We're all changing timetables for our GCSE's and i've found that I dont know anyone whos in my classes :/ Me and my best friend have been in all of our classes together since we've started school but now shes in different classes to me :/ But its okay for her cause we made new friends last year but they're with her so i dont have anybody :/ Im quite shy so i'm worried about making friends in my new classes, what if people dont wanna talk to me so im alone in all my classes :O
Any Advice?
Thanks so much (:
Molly xxx"
Dear Molly,
A new school year brings a lot of worries, doesn't it? Meeting new people can be challenging, because you kinda have to "put yourself out there" to develop friendships and meet new people. Here are some things to keep in mind:
- Even though you have a best friend, it is so important to be open to the ideas of new friendships! Without an open mind, how can you expect anyone else to be willing to become friends?
-Don't be afraid of people not liking you. Try to see what is the best in everyone. No one will be perfect, everyone will have a few qualities that are not your favorite. What is important is making sure the ones you value are there also.
-Introducing yourself to people can be hard! (and sometimes a little awkward.. do u give a handshake when u are a teenager??? haha) Best way to introduce yourself: say something about yourself first, then your name. For instance, if a girl is signing up for band, tell her "I am too!" If you start a conversation like this, things can flow easily, as well as exchanging names!
Lastly, don't forget your old friends. They will always be there for you. But, don't let them hold you back. You have the power to make many more friends! We wish you the best!!
Xoxo,
Shane and Honour
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