"Hey. I saw your post on elleandblair.com and i figured i'd give you a try. i think im a compulsive liar. seriously i lie all the time and i have know idea how to stop it. today my friends caught me in a lie. i broke down and fessed up right away and they said they forgave me and they understood but i still feel awful. they told me that they were here for me if i needed them and stuff which meant a lot but i feel like they'll never trust me and we'll never be close again. i really don't want to continue lying because its ruining the relationships i have with my friends and family. i hate the fact that i know i can trust them to always be truthful with me and they can't trust me the same way. im really not sure what to do at this point because lying has just become a part of me and it feels so much easier then the truth. i think i lie because sometimes im afraid of the truth. i really just want to stop lying and somehow get my friends to trust me again. what do you think i should do?
thanks!
~Olivia"
Hey Olivia!
First of all, here's an easy thing to remember: lying is like a bad habit, you just need to break it!
The next time you are about to tell a lie, ask yourself:
-Why am I lying?Is it necessary or just hurting my friends/family?
-What is it that I am afraid to tell?
-Should the person I am talking to even being asking me this? If it is not the other person's business, then you should say, "My friend told me this information in confidence, I would need to ask her before telling you or another person."
There are two "types" of lies:
-Little White Lies: Lies that are meant to result in good, usually about surprise parties, gifts. They are supposed to not hurt the person you are telling them to EVER!
-The lies that bite you in the back: Ones that you cover up a mistake you made, hurt your friends, etc.
To gain your friends trust, you should tell them that you are really going to make an effort to stop lying. They sound like good friends who will help you through the process! Also, I would suggest apologizing for lies you have told in the past.
Finally, these are guidelines. To get to the personal root of why you lie, go to a trusted counselor, parent, relative, or someone you look up to. It may be hard to admit, but it will really only help you in the end. Remember, you have to own up to what you have said, and be able to realize what you have done, who you have affected, but most importantly, that you have the ability and power to stop your bad habit!
Good luck!
Xoxo,
Shane and Honour
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