Dear Dominique

Here is the question we received:


Ive been having a tough time and came home crying yestuurday. So I havnt been able to hang out with my cousins that much and they moved here 2 years ago, so I bearly know them, and we're not that close. At one point we didn't even talk( me and the 3 sisters), but we've been friendly since late last year. Now I've been trying to be closer to them even, and we had dinner at another of our uncles house. Now the whole time I've been completely friendly ( I am naturally, but I'm quiet around them). And Im thinking that their being friendly too. Then later, they start talking about me when I'm only a few feet away saying I'm stupid and jealous of them. I tried not to listen and just ignore it. But it really did hurt because I was trying so hard to be friends with them lately, and this is what happens. And I did catch the middle sis talking about me right after I left the room early this year, but I just brushed it off. The eldest sister wasn't at the dinner,
and I've never seen her do this, she is the nicest one out of them and very friendly, and I'm the closest to her, but I'm not sure if I can trust her either. It's just upsetting. I have no reason to be jelous of them and I know I'm an intelligent girl. Just cause they've been able to make so many friends here, and I only have a few doesn't mean that they're better than me in any way. I'd actually rather have a few great friends than tons that aren't even good influences. I know this is really long, but I dont know how to be around them now. Should I still try to be friends with the eldest sis? I see them quite often and there is even a big holiday next week for us when I usually hang out with them. Idk what to do and I really feel upset that they couldn't be the nice friends/cousins I thought they would be. Any advice, tips?


Dear Dominique,
   Not talking to some people in your family is sad, but it happens to many, many families! Especially with kids! So that is completely normal. But what isn't okay is talking about you when you can hear them. One of the best solutions is to talk about it! That always seems to work everything out! Talk to your parents, older family members, AND cousins! Ask them, why they were saying that and that you heard them! Say to them, "I want to be friends and it doesn't seem like this is working out, and I was wondering what I did that was wrong!" They will either 'fess up or lie, so go with your instinct. If you do feel like they were lying, be friendly, but don't go out of your way to do anything for them! If they do confess, try to ask what you did, but also don't let them accuse you of things you didn't do. Listen to both sides of the story and try to understand both. 
Good luck! And thanks for writing to us! 
xoxo Shane & Honour